I started a project 12 years ago (when I was in my 20’s *) called ‘killerstrawberry hell’. They were a series of drawings that all joined together, and the idea was at the end of one level of drawings I then ventured up to the next level, which would then go along the top of the previous series of drawings, and so on (are you still following me?). 😂
All the drawings were connected and would have eventually formed one giant artwork, existing of 5 levels.
I finished level 1.
Level 2 was only 2 pages from completion and remains unfinished in a dusty sketch book.
When I started my business (KillerStrawberry) in 2006 my goal was to create a unique and colourful, ethical fashion brand. The 1st few years were just that, however due to some very thoughtless and rash decisions, things took a turn.
I was quite a confused young man to say the least, and very rarely connected to life (as life actually was) and mainly focused on my dream, my vision and of course partying! I lived quite a sheltered life and a very comfortable one. As an old friend once put it “Alan you live everyday with your head in the clouds”, my response – “ I like clouds”.
I suffered a few “unfortunate events” whilst living in London and I became very unwell. I did not know how to process or deal with the real anger and pain I was left with. I had no tools and no knowledge on what to do. This utter confusion came out in my art and the ‘Hell series’ changed shape.
I have recently revisited these old artworks, and though I can see and understand why they took a certain “course” I never realised the danger in my works. Much like my behaviour at the time, my words became reckless, detached and bitter. I am now aware that some of my metaphorical ramblings may have been quite harmful and hurtful. I never meant for things to get messy, and it was never my intention to hurt anybody…. however it was too late.
It came to be that I never finished drawing the further levels, but I did instead live them.
Today on 15th Dec 2020 I am currently working on 2 abstract paintings; my crucifixion piece (apparently every artist is allowed to do this once!) 😂. These are a symbolic depiction, and an ending to my “literal” KillerStrawberry Hell, and a milestone to a new chapter.
I am seeing colour again, I am seeing life as life is, and this time around I have wisdom, knowledge and passion. I am not trying to achieve a life goal, I am just creating art works. That’s who I am and what I do.
I lay little Strawberry down for a much needed rest now. He guided me well, strong and true.
Much love to you little Strawberry, I’m forever in your debt!
*I am now 39 years old! How the hell did that happen 😂